Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.

I can hear her voice so loud in my head. Calling me. "Jamboy you are an idiot. You are a fucking retard. you don't deserve anyone." I say: Oh Dear, I do deserve someone... Some one who gets me.

lalalalala

It's 5:33 am I cannot sleep. good night.

compositing sample.

If you can heal madness you can create madness.

Going insane here.

Lately I have been sleepless, I guess anxiety and depression is really taking over, I try to hide it by being funny and dumb all the time, doing new stuff and thinking of new things to do with my life, tried drinking heavily, lightly, heavily again then I just decided to quit and get healthier just for the heck of it, music with my band, new friends I don't really give a damn about. Plans that just don't seem to push thru, an aging family issue, me being 26 years old still hasn't accomplished anything with my life worth while.

Have you ever been in a situation before where you really can't express your feelings toward someone that just feels right? , Thinking of her all the time never gets old, it's the thought of losing her I really am scared of, Here is a list why people should stay away from me.


I am empty and old.
I am obnoxious and unfunny to all.
I am a fucking know all but has experienced none.
I am rude and abrasive.
I am expressive and secretive all at the same fucking time.
I talk brave but am a coward.
I love but I don't get loved.
I want bad things to happen to good people.
I am the loser that everyone avoids.
It's not that I am an outcast, people just don't want to hangout with me.
I stink and smell bad even tho I shower.
I am conceited and too proud.
I talk big.
I get bitched slapped by the wrong people.
I have never stood up for myself.
I am too afraid of life.
I am too afraid of losing it.
I am too afraid of losing her.

I need you so much closer.

Transatlanticism"

The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how...
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh no.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

[instrumental break]

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer


So come on, come on

So come on, come on

So come on, come on

So come on, come on

Crimson.

If you have a choice between losing someone you love because you just stood there and kept quite of the feelings you got for her or telling it to her THEN she walks away... What would you choose?

Exactly.

lightness

There's a tear in the fabric of your favorite dress
And i'm sneaking glances.
Looking for the patterns in static
They start to make sense the longer i'm at it.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho

Your heart is a river that flows from your chest
Through every organ
Your brain is the dam
And i am the fish who can't reach the cord.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho

Oh, instincts are misleading
You shouldn't think what you're feeling
They don't tell you what you know you should want.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho
[x2]

Oh, instincts are misleading
You shouldn't think what you're feeling
They don't tell you want you know you should want.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho.
[x2]

If we could only hear our minds talking to each other.

Been really confused these past few years, think I'm really in love with this girl in my head and in my imagination, couldn't even talk to the real her in the real life, don't know where to start, always looking way ahead and in a negative manner about being in a relationship, I always look at the bad things that might happen, knowing It is wrong, yet using it as a defense mechanism, there are tons of times that I could've shown her how I feel, yet I chose to be a rock. Or something that hides under them, No one should hurt her.

I'm sorry if I was a jerk when I reacted differently, the time when I emailed you and telling you how thankful I am to have a friend like you.

or the time when you ask what's troubling me then I said it's a secret, didn't mean to make you feel left-out, it's just that, It's YOU that is running in my mind all the time and that troubles me.

Or the time when I haven't bought you a gift cause I did'nt know what you wanted and I didn't made an effort to think verrrrY hard what you wAnted in the confines of my very limited budget.

and the times when you feel lonely, I just want to comfort you with a sMile or a joke.

Taking things for granted.

Is it me or did my heart just melted into thick buttery gooey matter? Found this girl in youtube and her guitar and singing skills, She reminded me of my cousin who passed away last year.

Sometimes people tend to take things for granted, let me reprhase that, People always take things for granted, and as the popular saying goes, you never know what you got until you lose it.

I wish I was there for her more than I should have been, I wish I was nicer to her even more than I should had. I wish I didn't scolded her when she didn't know what was right and what was wrong at the time she was doing the wrong things, I wish she was still alive.

sucking it good

one of my sample work I'm about to send to oman, I guess it's still rough in some parts but I just did it in like 3 days and on drugs(kidding). lol

Batangas Escapade

It's 1:50 am. I'm in semi-vacation mode here in Batangas, I'm staying with my mom's family, While she's recuperating from her operation, I'm here working and resting at the same time, Life in Metro Manila truly is Toxic, the polluted areas, The very hot temperature, the crime, the people, Etc.. (I got more rants just swelling at the top of my head) Plus my life there in the big double M's is getting complicated... (well maybe it's just in my head) But I'd like to stay away from my friends and family there in manila for a couple of months (or years), get on with my plans and accomplish my goals, Friends are truly double edged swords, you can't do without em', while you can't work if your with them. LOL, Ok, so on with life in Batangas. Life here is simple. The people, the mentaliity, the aura, don't get me wrong, people here are catching up with technology, They all have their laptops and wifi connections and pc's, if your used to the fast life in manila you'll trully appreciate the slow pace here in the province in general, The nature of my work is kinda hard to explain, plus the vast scope it precedes, but generally it's in digital arts or computer graphics, as long as i have an internet connection... I'm good to go. :) but while staying here for 2 weeks intermitently, I'm torn between settling down here in batangas or continue my life in Manila, (I'm still single, and not a distant relationship possibility in the near future,) by settling down I mean continuing my life here and putting up my residency, I guess I fell in love with the place, I really love the climate and the cleaner air. But I know I'll miss the people I love in MM. I guess that's why we better keep it to ourselves of what we really feel about some people.