Rest in peace guitar girl.

Pauline Bernardo Diano ( 1994 - 2007)

Your strumming lives on our hearts...

Help.

I can't sleep, I can't think straight.

Someone save me.

GOD SAVE MY COUSIN!

Dear Lord, My cousin is in the ICU right now, and she need blood transfusion to stabilize her condition, please lord if you could find kind people to help her, I would give my life for you, I promise, Don't let her die, She's too young, full of life and potential, Don't leave us in the dark dear Lord. I'd rather be in her shoes just to save her life, I know this is a test in our lives but please lord don't take her away, I haven't told her how much I love her, her singing, her guitar playing, her antics, her life, I know this sucks cause I only come to you when there is trouble, but if you take her now, we could'nt handle it a s a whole. Our family just suffered a death last year, and she is waaay too young for you to take, I love you Lord, and it will crush my spirit if you take her, TAKE ME INSTEAD!!! NOT HER... TAKE ME LORD. DON'T TAKE HER AWAY FROM OUR FAMILY.

Mr. Jekyl

I hate myself for getting drunk. (again) I was on a 3 week roll without alcohol in my system, then an old friend came back from Hong Kong and started handing out drinks in a gig in a bar last night, BOY was I drunk, I can't remember what I did and what I said and what happend, tho I apologize in any way that I did that would hurt anyone, I am sorry, I'll try to be sober again.

crimson terror squad

What's wrong?

I wonder what is wrong with me? Why can't I accept life? Why can't I accept myself? Why can't I accept most things? I'm in reflection with my life right now, as I reflect on the things I did and want to do with my life.

There is one thing that hinders me from being great. It's Accepting losing people you love, I'm so scared to lose the people in my life that I love, maybe that's why I can't seem to open up to others in a deeper sense, it's the fact that if they get too close and get lost, I'd get my spirits down even deeper, I crave acceptance, In fact that is what I look for in a relationship, in a family, it is to accept life as it is. Yes, we dream of grander things and yes, we strive to survive, what is it that we are living for? I now know what it is, and it is love, she haven't seem to find me but I already found her.

Should I jump and fall?

Yeah, Should I? Should I tell her? This really sucks, I can't tell her what I feel cause I'm too weak to face the consequence, I hope I do the right thing, But the right thing seems to be wrong sometimes, This feels like a car crash waiting to happen and the most great thing I'll do for myself for once, I am stuck, I need to move forward, I hope with her, I just wish everything was simple, yeah I know life is never gonna be simple but with her beside me, any life would do.

No Joy in Mudville

Here's a tiny Jewel I've found in my mp3 archive a couple of months ago...

No Joy in Mudville, Recorded live in some bar in, I dunno, Boston, I think, their early years as Deathcab, Really loved how the audio quality got captured, really sets the mood with the mumbled vocals and boomy drum/bass, sometimes Low-fi is beauty.

By Death Cab for Cutie...



If it doesnt Play... Press play. Duh.

Last night I dreamt that I was you.
I was dressed all in black with dark glasses and attitude.
Such a pose I could simply not hold
through days in a northern town that I had once called a home.
And your studies of fringe New York Streets:
I was reading the pavement in every word you would speak.
To a "brownstone up three flights of stairs" and it's on...

Buying drinks for the poets upstate,
this southern corruption towed you down the interstate,
and they all said that you were the king
of a gloomy disruption that surfaced when you would sing.
And this town simply cannot compete
so I'm packing my Bullets and Silvertones and heading east
To a "brownstone up three flights of stairs" and it's on...

on, on, on...

If I could have (had) my way, this year would bridge '66 (again?)

Trust fund hipsters were casing the room
chock full of amphetamines.
The overturned kick drum boom
set the pace with incomparable cool.
And if the tempo was lousy it was lost on all but you...
And your studies of fringe New York Streets:
I was reading the pavement in every word you would speak.
To a "brownstone up three flights of stairs" and it's on, on, on, on...it's on

If I could have (had) my way, this year would bridge '66 (again?)

3d head

Update:






Yep I'm doing it, I'm putting myself in cyberspace! Wish me luck! LOL

songs and relationships 5

Demons Lyrics
Guster



My words confuse you
My eyes don't move a blink
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be sincere
Somehow I make you believe
Believe

When I speak I'll cross my fingers
Will you know you've been deceived?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt

Honest is easy
Fiction's where genius lies
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be involved
Somehow I'll make you believe
Believe

When I speak I'll cross my fingers
Will you know you’ve been deceived?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt

Crossroads going nowhere.

Feeling stuck with my life these days, I wanna change to a different person, I hate my current self. Weak and forgiving, fat, ugly and inadequate.

Plans and dreams are failing, so is body and soul, self deprivation for one's happiness really kills a heart, being in a band to me really does'nt help, losing a band member and a good friend really sucks you out, getting new ones feels weird, plans not working out fucks you up, revelations, I could'nt stand to see, No mind games, no mouthed words, Patience is you seeing hope. losing it means I'm dead.

I wanna sleep, calm sleep, deep sleep,

have to end my current lifestyle and start my new life, a life with barricades and secrets, Simple and healthy, productive and enriching, I am an open comic book for people to read, some people don't like it some people do, to those, thanks, now turn to page 32.

the end.

maya maya muto maya

Update on my Maya re-learning, been watching endless videos for maya, I feel so weakened and dragging because of that, but yeah, I absorb knowledge better when I repeat and play video's like 5 times evey 10 mins. for the whole 2 hrs. (hint on how I learn.)

Obsolete

Here's a portrait for My band mate Ced Concepcion, My best buddy and a great song writer and singer, done in photoshop cs2 and intous 3, 3-4 hr. on and off tops used a photo ref.

For your eyes only...

There is this girl that I've met, A very short stint in my life where light prevailed darkness in my mind, She glowed in me as a lamp in a once very dark attique, after seeing and realizing all my faults and weakness, she made me feel I wanted a new life, A life with her, a life for her, I'd do anything and everything for her, limitations aside, possibilties endless...

This light feels like it's slowly fading away... Leaving me behind in this dark attique, turning this once lit room in to a blind man's perspective... I always hear stories about life where people get to hurt each other by not hurting each other, I thought to myself the answer is simple... Then when your at the middle of it you get so misguided and lost that you do'nt know where to go to except down, I feel I can do better if she can give me a new chance in her life, Never have I felt so alone when she shut her doors. I only asked for one thing... Her.

Nevermind the pasts, the history, the sayings, the teachings, the warnings, I just wanna be stupid and ignore all of it, throw caution out the window and be with her like I wanted it to be, Change is good to a person. I need to change. Change my ways, my life, my perspective... I know for a fact that the world does not revolve for me... But when she walked into my life I felt like the sun and stars itself held still on that very moment just to remind me that I'm still alive and faith still has an eye opened for me with a slight smirk and a very faint laugh, hope does really know how to hide... but by finding it, defines what you are in life...

Slingy

I see your shadow on the street now
I hear you push through the rusty gate
Click of your heels on the concrete
Waiting for a knock coming way too late
It seems an age since I've seen you
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days

So you come in and put your bags down
I know there's something in the air
How can I do this to you right now
If you're over there when I need you here

My happiness is slowly creeping back
Now you're at home
If it ever starts sinking in
It must be when you pack up and go

It seems an age since I've seen you
Countdown as the weeks trickle into days
I hope that time hasn't changed you
All I really want is for you to stay

I know I know I know what is inside

Songs and Relationship 3

I don't see you, I won't call you
I don't know enough to stall you
Is it me, or is it all you?
Guess, it's on and on
On a day, maybe I'd show you
But it's the least of all I go through
But the thing is I don't know you
And it's on and on

Trembling words Don't make my eyes close
And if anyone then you'd know
I can't find out 'cause it won't show
And it's on and on
Every dream is shot by daylight
And I pray that maybe you're right
But if you don't, maybe I might
'Cause it's on and on

When it takes too long I lose it
I'll just hang while you abuse it
If you knew then why'd you choose it
'Cause it's on and on
You're not gonna get me through this are you
You're not gonna get me through this are you

Anytime I'm there to show you
But if it takes too long I know you
Out the door just leavin' me screwed
And it's on and on
Everytime I try to fight it
It's so hard to seem excited
And if you don't turn then I'll bite it
And it's on and on
You're not gonna get me through this are you
You're not gonna get me through this are you

I don't see you, I won't call you
I don't know enough to stall you
Is it me, or is it all you?
Yes, it's on and on
Every dream is shot by daylight
And I pray maybe that you're right
But if you don't maybe I might
Cause it's on and on