constantly ignored

Give me a reason to stay constantly ignored
Give me an angle that I haven't tried before
A guarantee for being honestly compaired
You want to live when life is achingly unfair

Don't make a move you'll look ridiculous again
You share no interest but it's easy to pretend
Don't start the action it will turn against you soon
No one is going to follow and you'll stand there like a fool

You left the people when the people left you out
Back in the suburbs you're craving for the crowd
Only minded now with defeats of yesterday
The mantra spinning in your head will keep it raised

Give me a reason to stay constantly ignored
I don't think I can
Give me an angle that I haven't tried before
Not from where I stand
A guarantee for being honestly compaired
Could not be found
You want to live when life is sakenly unfair
Stick around

Don't give up
Don't give up
Don't give up

You have no right to ask me how I feel. You have no right to speak to me so kind.

Yeah, I'm getting the blues on.. I have a confession to make. When I was younger I really worshipped Stephen Bishop's songs. Kinda feeling low right now and I stumbled upon on you tube Stephen B's songs, Theyre pretty old, But I guess We all become one in time.


OLD Stephen.

MADGE one of my favorite blue song senty hits from him.

Separate Lives

Yep this song strikes a chord, Can't wait to get old... Oh wait I AM old. :))

What is?

Tonight I am having an ephipany about the meaning of life, about the Arts. About comedy... About tragedy. Forgive me for this is the first time I tried writing in this manner... I had a very strong hunch I kinda had this feeling of... "That Life is about letting go." A truest form of real happiness. The True Happiness of a person is in the art of letting go. It is not the sense targeted for love, but in every aspect of your life... It could be anything. If you learned how to let go, set free something you truly hold and the pressures of life deflates and the burden of losing someone or something can be lessened.

Aljadeeda Magdangal

Uploaded some of my present works here in my blog check it out;

WE ALL NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD ON TO.

Aah to be old and loney... Yeah, I know how it feels, I am a very lonely guy, I dunno, something about me just doesn't connect with most people. It's very rare for me to connect to others, I really do not believe It is possible for a guy like me for that to happen, I guess there is something wrong with me, BUT I do believe I have connected with one person and only one. The trouble is, It's just gonna get complicated even so if I fessed up and spilled my guts to her, I would'nt survive the amount of thoughts that would rush to my head the day I say I love her.

Story board complete... (or is it???)

I'm on my last frame of this storyboard work of mine Effing FINALLY... I hope things pick up more pace, these days...

I've been really down and out. I don't know why but it feels like I'm walking on thin ice lately... I guess we all have those days. bad luck seem to catch up on me, can't concentrate on things, losing my focus in life, my drive. I need something for my coal to burn hot again, I'm at my wits end. I never felt so alone in my entire life. I guess smiling about it wouldn't really help, pretending to be dumb only makes it worst, to the point that my head keeps on locking up and does not function properly, I think I should be on drugs for this. To lessen the pain everyday gives, maybe I'm just really dumb to get it.


A wishing star just flew by me and I was to retarded to have noticed. I should've grabbed it and never let go, but the star was too hot for my stubby little hands to handle, I guess I'll just have to settle for moon rocks.

even if you say so oh no...

it was familiar to me
the smoke too thick to breathe
the tile floors glistened
i slowly stirred my drink
and when you started to sing
you spoke with broken speech
that i could not understand
and then you grabbed me tightly

i wont let go
i wont let go
even if you say so
oh no
i've tried and tried with no results
i wont let go
i wont let go

he then played every song from 1993
the crowd applauded as he curtsied bashfully
your eyelashes tickled my neck
with every nervous blink
and it was perfect
until the telephone started
ringing ringing ringing ringing ringing off

Stress is killing me.

Lately stress is killing me, everything seems to stress me out, People, work, plans, family, Things, etc... By stress meaning something might pop inside me and kill me kinda stress. First off. Work, My work is unique, in it's own way, it's even unique to most people's work in the same field, I don't really like to call myself as an "artist", I soooo effing hate that term so much it really kills me to think that that's all I am. I know I can think normally, act normally, live normally. don't get it mixed with me wanting to do something with my life kinda shit. Being labeled as an artist is like discrimination, a very special discrimination. What would you think when someone calls you an artist? Exactly... Special, someone who thinks differently, can do stuff that most people can't do, gifted, someone who doesn't care for anyone or anything but art... what else??? Doesn't shower, outcast, self centered, fucking egotistic, most times odd... Tho some of the examples above specially the doesn't shower part do apply to me. But if you knew me well, I'm really just doing this for the money. No magic invovled. No romantic spec of a reason. I wanna help out my family and to start my own family. I tried jobs in my mid early life that did worked out and didn't work, I'm not giving up on trying and thinking different stuff with my life but this is what I know and do and want to do that should pay bigger than the normal pay. I don't wanna get trapped in some company that I'd worked for for 40 years only making them more richer with every breath you spent. I just want to prove a point that anything is achievable when you concentrate on things so hard, so real, it gets to that when you blink, It just happened.

The guy who said life itself is art, is a fucking retard. I fucking wanna shit on him/her so baad while he/she is sipping woolong tea by the terrace in a mansion where he/she got by exploiting those people that are called "artist". Art to me should feel good. I Know it should... If life is art... EXPLAIN TO ME WHY DO PEOPLE DIE tragically? Why do some have it while others barely have some, Why different people hate each other... (Insert other shitty stuff that happens in life).

You wanna know another fucked up thing about me?

it's like a swimming duck situation. On the surface you see the duck relaxed all cozy just floating over the water minding it's own business, but below the water you see panic and disarray from it's webbed feet just trying to keep itself afloat and moving.

It'd take a lifetime for it to end.

Brand New Colony

I'll be the grapes fermented,
Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
Like a perfect gentlemen
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zippedstraight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold

I want to take you far from the cynics int his town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will hear the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change, oOo oOo...

Best advice.

Live every day like it's the best day of your life.

Dedication

"I've never been good at finding things, I'm really good at losing things, the remote, the keys, parrots...

I spent my whole life wanting something and doing my very best not to find it, never even going near the places where it might be... Then suddenly I got the goddamn thing practically chained around my neck, you, your the goddamn thing,

I can't describe you

I don't write that kinda shit, you know people who write the real books the love books and the poems even those stupid little fucking novels with those hunky assholes on the cover you know what I'm talking about? Your like princess shit, you know? fairy tales... You know what I'm saying? The million guys are after, blinded by your beauty kind of shit, Real big stuff, you know? They got the dick who kidnaps you and sticks you in a cave and your guarded by a 5 headed dragon and the tales of your plight are spread through out the land and now all the guys go on put on your shoes so they can see what's up but none of them have the balls to save her except for me. I would go through anything for you.. and still there I was looking for a way not to see it, anything.... yes I am a big fat stupid idiot."

Story bored...

I'm completely losing my mind over this story board work of mine, Now I really hate drawing.

405

I took the 405 and drilled a stake down into your center,
And stated that it's never ever been better than this.
I hung my favorite shirt on the floorbaord, wrinkled up from pulling pushing tasting.
You keep twisting the truth that keeps me thrown askew.
Misguided by the 405 'cause it lead me to an alcoholic summer.
I missed the exit to your parents' house hours ago.
Red wine and the cigarettes... hide your bad habits underneath the patio.

Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.

I can hear her voice so loud in my head. Calling me. "Jamboy you are an idiot. You are a fucking retard. you don't deserve anyone." I say: Oh Dear, I do deserve someone... Some one who gets me.

lalalalala

It's 5:33 am I cannot sleep. good night.

compositing sample.

If you can heal madness you can create madness.

Going insane here.

Lately I have been sleepless, I guess anxiety and depression is really taking over, I try to hide it by being funny and dumb all the time, doing new stuff and thinking of new things to do with my life, tried drinking heavily, lightly, heavily again then I just decided to quit and get healthier just for the heck of it, music with my band, new friends I don't really give a damn about. Plans that just don't seem to push thru, an aging family issue, me being 26 years old still hasn't accomplished anything with my life worth while.

Have you ever been in a situation before where you really can't express your feelings toward someone that just feels right? , Thinking of her all the time never gets old, it's the thought of losing her I really am scared of, Here is a list why people should stay away from me.


I am empty and old.
I am obnoxious and unfunny to all.
I am a fucking know all but has experienced none.
I am rude and abrasive.
I am expressive and secretive all at the same fucking time.
I talk brave but am a coward.
I love but I don't get loved.
I want bad things to happen to good people.
I am the loser that everyone avoids.
It's not that I am an outcast, people just don't want to hangout with me.
I stink and smell bad even tho I shower.
I am conceited and too proud.
I talk big.
I get bitched slapped by the wrong people.
I have never stood up for myself.
I am too afraid of life.
I am too afraid of losing it.
I am too afraid of losing her.

I need you so much closer.

Transatlanticism"

The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how...
The clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh no.

Those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more.
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
It seems farther than ever before
Oh no.

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

[instrumental break]

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer

I need you so much closer


So come on, come on

So come on, come on

So come on, come on

So come on, come on

Crimson.

If you have a choice between losing someone you love because you just stood there and kept quite of the feelings you got for her or telling it to her THEN she walks away... What would you choose?

Exactly.

lightness

There's a tear in the fabric of your favorite dress
And i'm sneaking glances.
Looking for the patterns in static
They start to make sense the longer i'm at it.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho

Your heart is a river that flows from your chest
Through every organ
Your brain is the dam
And i am the fish who can't reach the cord.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho

Oh, instincts are misleading
You shouldn't think what you're feeling
They don't tell you what you know you should want.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho, oo wha-ho
[x2]

Oh, instincts are misleading
You shouldn't think what you're feeling
They don't tell you want you know you should want.

Ivory lines lead
Oo wha-ho.
[x2]

If we could only hear our minds talking to each other.

Been really confused these past few years, think I'm really in love with this girl in my head and in my imagination, couldn't even talk to the real her in the real life, don't know where to start, always looking way ahead and in a negative manner about being in a relationship, I always look at the bad things that might happen, knowing It is wrong, yet using it as a defense mechanism, there are tons of times that I could've shown her how I feel, yet I chose to be a rock. Or something that hides under them, No one should hurt her.

I'm sorry if I was a jerk when I reacted differently, the time when I emailed you and telling you how thankful I am to have a friend like you.

or the time when you ask what's troubling me then I said it's a secret, didn't mean to make you feel left-out, it's just that, It's YOU that is running in my mind all the time and that troubles me.

Or the time when I haven't bought you a gift cause I did'nt know what you wanted and I didn't made an effort to think verrrrY hard what you wAnted in the confines of my very limited budget.

and the times when you feel lonely, I just want to comfort you with a sMile or a joke.

Taking things for granted.

Is it me or did my heart just melted into thick buttery gooey matter? Found this girl in youtube and her guitar and singing skills, She reminded me of my cousin who passed away last year.

Sometimes people tend to take things for granted, let me reprhase that, People always take things for granted, and as the popular saying goes, you never know what you got until you lose it.

I wish I was there for her more than I should have been, I wish I was nicer to her even more than I should had. I wish I didn't scolded her when she didn't know what was right and what was wrong at the time she was doing the wrong things, I wish she was still alive.

sucking it good

one of my sample work I'm about to send to oman, I guess it's still rough in some parts but I just did it in like 3 days and on drugs(kidding). lol

Batangas Escapade

It's 1:50 am. I'm in semi-vacation mode here in Batangas, I'm staying with my mom's family, While she's recuperating from her operation, I'm here working and resting at the same time, Life in Metro Manila truly is Toxic, the polluted areas, The very hot temperature, the crime, the people, Etc.. (I got more rants just swelling at the top of my head) Plus my life there in the big double M's is getting complicated... (well maybe it's just in my head) But I'd like to stay away from my friends and family there in manila for a couple of months (or years), get on with my plans and accomplish my goals, Friends are truly double edged swords, you can't do without em', while you can't work if your with them. LOL, Ok, so on with life in Batangas. Life here is simple. The people, the mentaliity, the aura, don't get me wrong, people here are catching up with technology, They all have their laptops and wifi connections and pc's, if your used to the fast life in manila you'll trully appreciate the slow pace here in the province in general, The nature of my work is kinda hard to explain, plus the vast scope it precedes, but generally it's in digital arts or computer graphics, as long as i have an internet connection... I'm good to go. :) but while staying here for 2 weeks intermitently, I'm torn between settling down here in batangas or continue my life in Manila, (I'm still single, and not a distant relationship possibility in the near future,) by settling down I mean continuing my life here and putting up my residency, I guess I fell in love with the place, I really love the climate and the cleaner air. But I know I'll miss the people I love in MM. I guess that's why we better keep it to ourselves of what we really feel about some people.

Judo Life

When I was younger I really loved this sport, judo, It got me addicted in being active in life, it's been 5 years since I stopped and time and Alchohol and cigarettes diminished my athleticism for this sport, I'd love to be active again but does'nt seem to find the drive to do it, I know all I have to do is just make it a habit to excercise and go to the gym to atleast get in a much better shape than I am in now.

A father's Doubt.

Why can't people learn to live less for themselves? If people knew how to live more and less in other aspects of their lives they greatly would avoid hurting people they love. I had a very reality induced experience last saturday night, where I got to see first hand the cruelty of man being just human, It must be intoxication, depression, insecurity or feeling trapped and lonely but this guy was a jerk to his family, specially his sons, I had a brief history of this guy's family background, no matter what experiences you had in your past life, nothing will be justified by doing the same wrong things to the loved ones you have in the present. I know... A fact that I have been a victim of it too. Most of us all are... So you know what it feels when someone you love betrays you and leaves you for some shitty idea they met in a bar one drunken night, If you learn to put your shoes in theirs, you'll understand. I am certainly not teaching a hypocritical lesson to those who read this and had or in this situation, being in a relationship is hard. I know, THAT's why I'm not in it, Some people really do not see things the way I see them, as one of my good buddies expressed the same thing I felt, we where on the same page, that all of this you see in this world ~by not seeing what makes you happy, is useless... AND by not doing anything wrong might I add. If the thing that gives you Joy is sometimes traversed in the wrong side of life, I'm not gonna stop you, BUT be prepared for the consequence. MY ADVICE... GET A HOBBY.

Batch pad 2010

Maya practice, still not getting that photorealistic look but I'm getting there! :)

Wake up shitty head.

Funny thing about today is that I just realized what love is.

Love is when you wake up and the first thing in your head is the person you want to be with so badly, it's the person you really want to run away from but couldn't because if you did, you'll only wanna kill yourself, It's the person where you think something wrong will happen when your with her/ him but couldn't stand to be away cause you if you did, something much more wrong will happen, it's the person who makes you feel that being negative about love is getting harder to do. Love is you being bad at finding things and suddenly finds the only thing that matters.


What's more funnier is I didn't realize I was this way for the past 2 years.

other 3d works

still refining my renders in mental ray, just barely scratching the surface of it, what do you guys think?

The dream of evan and chan

It was familiar to me
The smoke too thick to breathe
The tile floors glistened
I slowly stirred my drink

And when he started to sing
You spoke with broken speech
That I could not understand
And then you grabbed me tightly

I wont let go, I wont let go
Even if you say so, oh no
I've tried and tried with no results
I wont let go, I wont let go

He then played every song from 1993
The crowd applauded as
He curtsied bashfully
Your eyelashes tickled my neck

With every nervous blink
And it was perfect
Until the telephone started
Ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing off

Scandia Virtual plans

Dream in sky.

been so busy lately with stuff's that I forgot to update my blog, (which no one seems to care about) LOl So I decided to updload some of my not so latest renders and tests in my current project, I hope this pushes thru earlier than I expect. Wish me luck! :)

latest test renders for the Movie "Days of Infamy".

Life's a bitch.

Peace out!:)

Getting there...

Dear diary, just finished some test renders for texturing multiple objects in one model, and I must say, it is pretty damn confusing at first but when you get the hang of the work flow of things, it's pretty straught forward. (I'm so glad I can paint and use photoshop really well for the textures)

THE SECRET: Law of attraction

I have watched a Documentary / movie called The secret: Law of attraction, a dvd given to me by My friends' Mom, Tita Bebs! for my birthday :) First watched it 3 days ago, and every time I wake up I try to watch it when I have the chance.

It's about a scripture to the secret of life, about you (the mind) can attract anything you want and need, being positive and never giving thought about the negative is what it seems to teach, a general rule of thumb in life on living a happy life, it says in the movie / scripture that the mind is a very powerful source of infinte energy, It can control the universe for your own pleasure, Things like Love, Money, relationships, career, you can have it all if you know how to harness the secret.

I was a frequently negative person before, lately even before watching this video I kinda was grasping at something in my life that I seem to not see clearly yet, I had the clue and a vague idea about life, I thought at first I knew how things went, I take things for granted quite often, realized how a jerk I was when I didn't know what to do with myself, ( maybe I'm getting mature in my own way (or not.) LOL) but I kinda felt how that movie told about living Life, is to love each other even if there where really no love at all. Feel love, from small things, be gratified of the things you have and keep focus on the things you want. This video taught me more about life than my years in college! LoL Not being negative about it but this is really what all of us should be striving for! Not Materialistic goals but by the way of thinking.

I don't really care if this is a scam or not but I really believe that this thing is real, even if I don't get what I want out of it, being positive about life is a good thing to happen in my life, for a change, life is gonna be easier when the load in my shoulders gets taken off by this kind of thinking, but I do hope I get what I want, (I know I'll get what I want!) Life is too short not to enjoy it, Love, Life, Relationships, Careers, Dreams, all of them I want to happen just before I pass on, Me learning the SECRET is a good thing in itself, I've been searching for the thing in life that will truly make me happy, then by realizing how I lived my life, just a positive thought can change my life. a godsend, I thank Tita Bebs , that wonderful woman that she let me share her knowledge on the secret, (the greatest gift someone gave me.) I'm still grasping this way of thinking but I know I'll make the transition, Positivity has more value than gold. It now makes sense how the Lord always says in the bible: If you "ask then you shall recieve." It all makes sense! It's true!

Texture Madness!!!

Studying how to put textures (realistic one at that) in my model, crap! my P26 has so many little objects I didn't realize it'd be a nightmare to texture all of them! It's getting a little bit confusing now